28 Years

 Today, at 11am, I have been in New Zealand for 28 years.

I wouldn't change any of it 💖

That Moment

 And sometimes, you just need that first moment and it all comes together.

I am now on holiday for 3 weeks due in part to:

• work closes at this time of year for 3 weeks
• it is Christmas
• it is summer

It has, in the usual manner, been manic for the past few weeks at work, everyone wanting everything sorted before we close. Everyone one wanting all of this year's results secured and processed so we start fresh again in the new year.

So, to have a sunny day, be able to appreciate the crystal-clear blue of the water, despite being a little chilly at first, have that first moment of the year when you can sit in the sun and dip your toes in the water, also knowing that you are on holiday and can breath for 10 minutes.

It is still a great feeling, even if you do do it every year

Where Do They Come From?

Where do I get all my jigsaw puzzles from people often ask me.

For a while then yes, I did buy them myself when I saw them on special or received them from the boys as presents on birthdays and Christmas.

Then I found Facebook Marketplace, and, in my city, there is quite a movement of jigsaws between people. Mostly costing about $10. I only stay in my city and don't travel long distance or pay postage for any. 

Back in April 2024 someone put a post on marketplace about some jigsaws she was selling, she had heaps and I saw many that I wanted. So, I went and visited to buy some. She had been completing jigsaws all through covid, had been storing them in a storage unit and now wanted to get rid of them. She had a wall full, and I mean there had to be nearly 200+ puzzles in her room. I have only seen that amount in a shop, not someone's front room of their house! Lots of Holdson jigsaws come in sets of 4 and she had all four from the collection, so there were many that I wanted.

Well, 25 puzzles later ($210), I left her house. I got most of the ones you have seen me complete this year and last year from her (if Holdson brand) and I have moved them all on since then by selling them back on marketplace for $10 each, so I am pretty much equal on the money front 😎 the odd one hasn't moved but it is a minor loss for all the enjoyment they have brought me and savings of getting them for $5-10 instead of $28-40

This was one picture I took of some I got from her and as you can see, many are of the same design and collection. This pile is only 9 jigsaws so you can imagine, I had jigsaws all over the house, still do if I am honest!

This year, whilst I have still purchased quite a few, always on special and when my local Jigstore has good specials on, or damage box sales (just because the box is dented doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the jigsaw) then a majority have come from marketplace, although a few weeks ago I did actually do a swap with a lady of 3 puzzles. Saved me giving her $10 only to have her give it back to me for one of mine. from now on, I will be putting this on my posts that I am open to swaps.

I would say I have probably spent about $500 on jigsaws throughout the year but when I sell them, I get a little bit of that back, but it is not about making the money back.

So, gifts, purchasing and marketplace is my place of choice, although the odd one does still get loaned from family/friend.

I do also loan them to family and friends and that has started to happen a little bit more, but they always come back to me.

All the Time I Can Get

 When your oldest child lives 600 kms away, you don't get to see them much. Therefore, when they do come up, you spend every second with them.

In this case, he was driving his own car back down (he flew up to get said car), about an 8-hour drive and I wanted to make sure he had a good breakfast, so a 7.30am cafe run was ordered and we had a last meal together 💗

Paper Flower Craft

 I don't get to do this very often, not sure if it is because work is just so busy that by the time I get home, I am too tired, or whether I just haven't had the inclination to want to do this craft.

Since moving back to the family home, life has been difficult. With taking 3 months stress leave last year and then a trip away, a family holiday and the chaos when I did go back to work, because we were still very much short staffed and there was so much to achieve, that I just never got my head engaged to get my craft room (aka oldest son's bedroom after he moved out in May 2024) sorted.

It is slowly now coming together, even though I did get the shelves in situ a few months ago. I still have a lot of work to do to finish unpacking boxes of items and also, I keep changing my mind about where things will live, you know, the usual thing, that you put something somewhere and then a few weeks/months later, you change your mind and rearrange everything!

Sadly, last week my youngest son's girlfriend lost her grandfather suddenly and I wanted to make something for her. So, I looked through the craft items I have got out and put on the shelves and decided to make her a small bunch of flowers. I knew she would appreciate the thought.

They turned out really well and I was really happy with the little bouquet when it was finished. She loved them too and thought it was a lovely gesture.

Interflora

 As I spent half my life in the UK prior to moving to NZ then I still have many connections and family back home. I completed all of my schooling in England, and my nurse training. I was 27 when I moved to NZ.

So, when I heard that a very dear friend had lost their mother then I needed to pay my respects. Now for obvious reasons, attending the funeral was not going to be a happening thing, so the next best was to let them know they were being thought of.

With online shopping a way that has made the world so small nowadays then sending flowers was never going to be an issue. Although I am always wary of what I am going to pay for and what actually arrives?

This time, I was happy with what arrived, and the flowers received were appreciated for the gesture that they were intended.

Already

 I totally understand that nowadays, with the cost-of-living etc, that people need to prepare and plan and organise, but Easter eggs in January seems a little far from Easter?

Is chocolate at Easter really that big a deal that people will need to start buying it 3 months in advance, so they have it, or is it just that it is chocolate, and people will buy it in a different shape to eat at any time of the year?

Christmas Day

My boys are now big enough to not be home for Christmas!

The oldest (21), as you know, now lives in another city (over 6 hours away) and the youngest (19) has a girlfriend, so can be here, can be there.

So, for Christmas Day, until Alex came home, there was just 3 adults who were not that bothered by the day or presents. Well, we like presents but we didn't have to do a 6am mad session to open them.

I snuck out at 7.30am to go do parkrun (another post will be about that) and when I came home the adults were up and getting food, so I showered and then had breakfast.

Alex had been working until about 1am, so had actually come into the house, changed and then gone to his girlfriend's house to sleep. According to Grandma, it was like a herd of elephants came into the house at 1am and caused a racket lol.

Although, he did let us all know that he had been there as he made sure that Santa's message got to us....

Shame that Santa takes after him and can't spell, but I will let him off as it was 1am and he had been working for 12 hours!

Ben, well he was actually working on Christmas day so was not even with his new family down there! And he wasn't going to be with them until 7pm. We checked in with him via video call when we had opened our presents.

He looked happy, so I was all happy seeing him and that beautiful smile.

Whilst Steve and I are no longer together as a couple, we are still important to each other and so we do get each other presents for Christmas, birthdays etc

Today, he made me cry, yes, for the first time in forever he got it right!

He knows that I have discussed many times over the years about wanting to take the day long train from Auckland to Wellington. It only takes 8 hours! I don't even mind which way I go, up or down, but I have always wanted to do it (I will write another post about it one day)

Today, he gave me my present and it was a voucher that entitled me to a trip on the train whenever I could organise it. Now I have some planning to do.

And just like that, the happenings of the family on Christmas Day.

Life, Marriage and Love

 Life is a funny thing, everyone wants different things out of it.

Some are after achieving career success, others want a large family or no family. People chose careers for totally different reasons and then all end up together. What one student takes away from their time at school is totally different to someone else, but they still went through the same classes and subjects. Some know exactly what they want to do, others have no clue and never really do.

I never knew what I wanted to do in life, I had no career aspirations or amazing moments of enlightenment. My work life just developed but I knew I always wanted to get married and have children.

I loved children and for a period when I was younger then I wanted to be a nanny looking after children. It never transpired but I did go into a profession that deals with people and considers them, although it wasn't my choice, it was a direction suggested by a careers lady when I didn't get all the exam qualifications from school that they felt I needed? Well, all I can say is look at me now....I have a Masters degree and pretty sure there were people who never expected that when I was little.

As for family, then yes, all I ever wanted was to have a family. I wanted to meet 'the one' when I was young (20's) and have a settled life. Obviously it never happened that way. I did eventually meet someone when I was 29, I can honestly say that I don't think he was 'the one' or 'the love of my life' but we worked and it was good and we supported each other. We did go on to have children, 2 gorgeous boys, that I think amaze him all the time, especially as he never really was that interested in having children. So I am always grateful for what I was able to give him and experience, which he had never thought he would do.

We did everything backwards, we met, we moved in together, we got a mortgage, we had children, we got married

And then we separated after 22 years.

My decision, my pushing, and I followed through on all of it. He never totally understood why, but he was supportive enough to let me go so if there was any chance of a reconcile it was in a supportive environment.

We have now been apart, in some form since Oct 2021. But through it all we have still been mum and dad and an amazing family unit. In fact we have got on so much better since I left. I think the boys have seen a better parenting unit in that time. I know their relationship with their father has developed better in the past 2 years than they actually had before I left. We have family dinner together, at the house, at least 1-2 times a week. We still have activities that include both of us and I have stayed at the house on many occasions in the past few years because we do not hate each other, we just can't do marriage.

I have to admit that in fact leaving the house has been the worst thing for me! From a marriage point of view then no, it was the best thing, but from a mother point of view, then I cannot even start to fathom how I ever got to a point that I walked away from the family home and left my children there? They were 16 and 18 at the time. We were always safe and there was no threat, but I was very unhappy, and I had to show my children that sometimes you have to put yourself and your own mental wellbeing first and then it will assist the relationship you have with others.

Whilst we temporarily separated in Oct 2021, there has been some talk over the past few years, but we needed it to all take its own natural way and despite words from him expressing how he doesn't want the marriage to end and he was honest that if I left then it would be the death of the marriage, I always knew the marriage was over. I just couldn't go backwards with how I felt and how he was.

Today, he finally admitted that he is happy with how things are and lets keep it this way and I agreed.

So today, our marriage officially ended.

No more trying to tip toe around each other with having difficult conversations, no thoughts of why something isn't happening.

The thing is, we get on so well that I am moving back to the family home.

Yes, you read that correctly, I am moving back to the family home and no one has moved out, but it is not a backwards step because in an unconventional way, different to many others in our situation, we do well in the same house and can live well together as long as you take out the marriage part. He just doesn't have what it takes to sustain a relationship whereas I love being in a relationship and want someone who will be with me and alongside me. So as long as the expectations are removed, which has now happened, then we do living together well.

I am going back to be with the boys for a little longer before natural progression of life happens, to work on the house, to have some company after living on my own for the past few years, to pay off the mortgage and do you know what....it works really well. We do living together in the same house very well. We did it amazingly during Covid lock down.

It will seem odd to many people but we are doing our life and not anyone else's. We are doing what works for us. Even if the boys move out, which is on the cards for one of them in the next month or two, I can see us happily living together in the house as flatmates for quite a while. Obviously if things change in life for either of us then things will change, but for now, it works, it suits everyone and we are both happy.

Isn't that what life is about?